her tiny brown head is bowed
quiet
eyes squeezed tightly shut
praying to our jesus
her innocent tears are falling
onto her purple velvet pajamas
her hands find mine
wanting love
wanting security
wanting me
she is too small
for all this pain
but her hurting heart
could cover oceans
i tuck her in and kiss her dry skin
why am i so blessed? watching these tiny kids. they have so much in thier heads. so much they have been through. and then there's me. some moments i find myself mournfully counting the days till i come home. and i am so needed here by these kids who dont even have a life. it reproves me.
just now my typing was interrupted by a girl crying. her tiny body shaking and big tears. i was holding a 6 week old baby in one arm, his bottle leaning against me and trying to comfort zamara with the other hand... hashtag mom life. kneeling on the hard floor of the girls bedroom, i thought to myself that maybe nights weren't so bad. i love this baby. and i love comforting crying little girls in the night. it makes me feel warm inside. ezekio has the hiccups. he's the baby. you would love him i promise.
i miss fishburn ranch.
i miss that land of wild air.
i miss the wild mountains.
the ones that reach for the big sky.
i miss the horses.. their hooves in time with my heart.
the echo sounding through the valley,
screaming for me to come.
i miss the trees dancing soft,
like feathers falling.
i miss the cold wind..
the cowboys yelling,
ropes swinging..
ripping skin.. healing hearts.
i miss Shasta licking my tears.. hugging my hurts away.
the branding smoke, blurring my vision..
and bringing a smile to my chapped cheeks
i miss that land of forever on,
mountains blanketed in pines.. aspen and huckleberries.
i want to come drink Alberta's waters.
i want to sleep under the shadow of your heavy pines.
i want to breathe your air.
but until then, i will soak this Navajo nation up.
until then i will be New Mexico's.
i know that when i am home. riding my black horse through the trees i love, i will think wow.. my Gallup time went too fast. so i am going to live in the moment. breathe this dusty air.
laugh at these kids that stole my heart.
and totally party it up with my coworkers. cause wow they are gold.
accept the fact that my lips will always bleed and my skin will always be dry.
but i miss my people more then anyone will ever know.
my people are the reason for my tears.
i don't know when i will write again..
but so long and God bless..
till next time.
xo, ginger
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