tears.

goodbye fishburn.

it was what I breathed

what I lived

what I loved

now it's only what I think of

it was what I was proud of

what I lived for

my identity.

the dust. the roping. the big hats.

the herd of cattle. the horses. the mountains.

the cowboy friends. the lifestyle.

the leather. the smell. it was me. I was it.

& then the love of my life

swept me away to the north

where the woods watched our romance

& only the woods

our dreams became our life

& we lived under a canopy of friends

& adventure

the first year I held onto fishburn

I grieved my loss

looking at pictures

& watching their lives

continue without me

tears falling continuously

I was a roller coaster of emotions

in love with my new life

with my man

with this land & these friends

but completely ripped apart

my old life out of my reach

the neighbour's cows would bawl

calling for thier babies

my head under a pillow

sobbing

thier moos too much for me

I tried to ride my shady pine

it was hard

I couldn't ride him without crying

all I could think of was fishburn

they told me it was grief

& that I needed to let it overcome me

& it would pass

it's almost 2 years now

I cry less

I want to give it up

when I go home I can be who I was

running on that big black horse

roping bovine with my friends

eating burgers in garages after brandings

hearing the cowboys stories

seeing their hat's silhouetted against the mountains

when I go home I can soak it up

I can be who I used to be

but here.

I will be a lover

I will pack yetis full of food for hunting trips

I will be in the woods with my man

I will love this land & it's people

I will love this life with my whole heart

& I will never stop

I will give fishburn to God

& I will embrace my new life with joy

I can always be jessi of fishburn

but I will also be jessi of the north

I love you fishburn ranch.

I love you cowgirl life.

goodbye.

• ginger lyric