mcgaffey.

I was standing on the red sand.

The forest around me was oddly sparse.

Pine cones resting in the sand.

The occasional stick.

And these Navajo children.

Today is outings.

And I’m third float so I’m the lady in charge.

Terrifying.

So we loaded the oldest 4 kids into the blue dodge van,

Sighed a few prayers that they would control their anger…

We went to a forest on the way to McGaffey I forget the name of the forest.

The trees are so tall. And big.

And naked.

Such a different beauty then im used to.

The kids run.

And I turn off my fear.

Finally its time for them to be free.

To be free and normal.

They wander far, little glimpses of bright purple sweaters through the woods.

Happy laughter.

Yelling “teacher look what I found”!!

They pull dead trees back to our humble fire,

And we build a fort.

And find weapons.

And make s’mores over our fire.

And I keep thinking to myself how this isn’t even an advantage to me.

I grew up free in the woods.

With s’mores whenever I wanted.

Their faces smudge with marshmallow.

Grinning across the smoke at me, showing imperfect teeth.

Their brown fingers trace pictures in red sand.

I watch them and I smile, because it’s too precious.

Done with the fire and the fort and the s’mores, we walk.

They talk about what they’re going to tell papas when we get back.

One thing I have definitely noticed here is the vacancy of creatures.

You stand still to hear the world.

And there is literally nothing to hear.

A ring in your ears.

The sound of silence perhaps.

No squirrels.

No deer.

The only animals I’ve seen since I got here is stray dogs.

And wild horses.

Paint this picture in your mind.

Sky on fire with the color of these New Mexico sunsets.

Cliffs glowing red and hot pink.

A dessert, speckled with unique brush and cacti.

Horses scattered far,

All colors.

My eyes filled.

Their eyes wild, nostrils flared.

They run. Heads held high.

The moving picture in front of me

Playing chords in my heart I had not forgotten…

The words above sound like this is amazing.

And sure enough.

Moments like that are.

They truly are.

But right this second,

I’m sitting in the office typing to you.

And I’m shaking.

One of the big girls just exploded.

Giving blows a little too hard.

We held her as still as we could but it was hard.

Sweat and tears.

And too many words and kicks that sting.

I told her it was ok to cry.

She wanted to be alone.

So she’s sitting in the office

And I’m pretending to be very busy typing to you.

Mostly I’m making sure she doesn’t run out the door,

Because she already tried once.

New topic.

The Alb boys are coming tonight.

Nothing more to be said.

All I will tell you is their not as fun as Alberta boys.

We LOVE new house papas.

They are funny and kind and we all adore them.

It will be a good next four months.

I am kitchen assistant and head cook for the next two weeks.

So if you have easy yum ideas for me drop a comment or email me.

Kitchen assistant you are in charge of the fruit and veggie.

And Head cook you are in charge of the protein and grain.

I don’t know what else to tell you.

But I’m happier now.

But iv handled the worst this last week and iv only broke once.

And these last 15 minutes have been the worst and I’m not crying yet and I don’t feel like it.

So there, maybe there’s hope for me.

If you wanna come see me…

Then do.

All my love sent to you.

ginger.