her exuberance is infinite,
she is a sunshine to all.
her sly smile is a mystery,
melting into a beautiful face,
framed with round gold glasses.
& when i walk into her house,
she does a dance.
that only she can do.
i giggle.
i'm always giggling at her.
she's that type.
makes you smile.
she loves me, like i love her.
she clicks her heels
& does a thumbs up,
& she is gone into the sunset.
that's my barny.
we've run this road,
and it's been long.
the sun trying to defeat us.
but we keep on. each memory is filed.
every word we whisper, is hidden.
we try to be optimistic,
we most often are.
the stars are always there, reflecting God.
that's how we want to be.
reflecting God.
we love. we trust. sometimes we fail.
but as we run. we keep filing more memories.
the mountains watch, while we collect wildflowers.
giving God glory. painting pictures of dreams.
that will never happen,
but that's ok.
we will keep running this road.
it is long.
& the sun is trying to defeat us.
but we keep on.
the prize at the other end,
is worth these scars.
the prize at the other end is eternal.
& we are running towards it,
& nothing.
is gunna stop us.
that star shone bright through my window.
it was so much brighter then the rest,
thankyou God.
i am restless, & the night is growing old.
the star God gave me continues to watch.
____
i awaken to my mom yelling.
she thinks she has a perfectly beautiful fried egg,
waiting for her jessi.
i jump out of bed & run down the stairs,
that sounds like a story book, the part about jumping & running. but yes that's truly how i am.
i always have been, i sleep in somtimes.
but then when i wake up i'm bouncy.
of course there's an odd morning where that's not the case.
the egg truly was perfectly beautiful.
thanks mommy.
i follow my boots to the barn,
the air makes my eyes water.
so many yearling watch me,
waiting to see if i'm here to feed them.
i sing to them & tell them happy things.
their curly heads reaching for my soggy mitten.
the row stretches long,
reaching for the mountains.
so many calves. so much hay.
my dogie shasta, jumps onto the core of the bale.
scattering hay into the breeze.
forkful after forkful,
my back aches, my shirt sticks to my skin.
but the calves are hungry.
the horses line up waiting for water.
when i can be with these horses i remember,
why i was born to a ranch.
___
the morning is over. my animals are happy.
i follow my boots back inside,
& i set up my writing once again.
this will be repeated so many times.
the grainy wood shining with the sun.
i set my laptop perfectly in the center,
& flip it open.
a world of lyrics & singing lights up my face.
& i am lost. the smell of mahogany teakwood.
iced mint tea, sipped with my copper straw.
___
my daddy needs me.
jeans are pulled on,
& i rush out the door.
eager to get off the yard.
the drive to town feels long.
& then we're there,
my precious maine street that i missed.
janae drives by,
& i wave. frantic.
my fingers touching the window & dragging down.
a lump in my throat. & then the tears.
i drive past tyannes shop & she waves big from the door. more tears.
i miss my friends. so much.
___
Fischer ranch welcomes us.
the mountains looming,
guarding the land.
we clear brush. & feel the sun on our faces.
working with my dad is a blessing.
especially on Fischer ranch.
because....
the mountains are huge.
snow blowing off of them in a white mess.
the long path the winds underneath the big ranch gate, protected by the aspen.
the donkeys stretch their necks across the fence as we drive slowly by. i love those donkeys.
thier ears reach for the sky.
this place holds future.
& i want to be involved.
___
& now we drive away from the mountains & into the city. the bright lights making my eyes burn.
we are here to pick up a trailer load of calves.
which means more sweat,
& sore backs for this child.
___
covid19.
i will forever remember this year,
for it's lonely evenings, & nostalgic feelings.
for many hours on the phone.
& many hours working on things i'd never imagined i'd work on.
i will never forget covid19.
i will never forget what it did to this world.
Never forget