& the children.
my heart my heart.
the thick black hair.
big black eyes.
high cheekbones.
rosy through dark skin.
& their smiles.
reaching straight into your heart & touching you.
bringing tears & connecting souls.
& with two short hands.
they take you.
& you are theirs.
& smiling into each others eyes you don't let go.
until you have to. he shines his sun for you. reflecting his love through you & into the hungry souls. & drinking up the kindness you offer, they thank you, with this gift of happiness. joy. and love. this is important. they say it's supposed to be summer,
and so when the snow falls,
and the girls make hot drinks,
and we have to continue being cozy,
it sorta hard.
cause i love the sun and so this makes me tired.
you guys know me lately there's nothing to write about,
my journal is very bored of me.
got quite a few new kids tho a 8 month baby girl.
who was extremely abused.
a broken leg
bleeding in the brain, which caused her to go blind.
She has medication for seizures but hasn't had one since we got her.
she cries alot..it hurts me to watch
makes me want to punch whoever did this to her
a 1 week old baby girl.. adorable little soul
a 8 year old girl who, from reports, is a total terror.
she ran away from her last foster home and lied to a random vehicle,
and got them to drive her to flagstaff
and she steals glue sticks from Walmart and goes home and sniffs them.
her hair is cut on the top of her head (looks like she maybe did that)
she knows wayyy to much.
jesus hold her.. so far she's been sweet,
thanks to our other big girl
because our other big girl is converted so shes helping her alot i think but mind you sometimes her idea of being a Christian is different then mine
a 3 year old boy. sooo cute. two braids and the biggest smile.
he had cuts on his head and back with some ugly bruises. yesterday i took the three oldest kids to McGaffey woods again...
i love sitting around a Smokey fire,
and watching their tacky clothes running around through the trees
little do they know the potential of a good childhood.
but i am trying to give them a sliver of what mine was like.
we went to sonic and bought drinks and then home to grumpy attitudes and dirty vehicles. a whole day with cho and des. wow. something told my mind it was ok to sleep. so i slept. long. deep. my tiny little black alarm clock screamed in my head at 8:14. and i'm awake. fast. because today is my day with cho and des. ki and em drive me to window rock where I land in a swirling chaos of brown children and pretty staff members. cho and des. yay. and we are off. snacks. water. fire wood. a long drive. through sage brush and cacti. but we talk our heads off. about home. and friends. and just the fact that we are living in new mexico together and life is good. and then canyon de chelly. reaching down into the earths core and dizzying my eyes. we look long. leaning over the rock wall and exploring the earth from Gods view. pointing to the small treasures we see. winding dirt paths on the floor of the canyon. horses in groups walking. looking like ants from our birds eye view. the spider rock reaching for our hands and spearing the cold air. we drive to different lookouts. in awe of this land. always in awe. a small fire. sheltered behind a large bush. red sand slipping against red rock. we eat bacon and pancakes and eggs. and of course we forgot cutlery. syrup dripping off fingers. thier eyes are sparkling. i think mine are too. we drove for almost 6 hours. and it felt too short. we cudnt talk fast enough. we cudnt soak it in enough. it wasn't long enough. but there will be more days. Starbucks drive through and fry chaps. the mall and dirty bathrooms with no toiler paper and not being able to keep the giggles back. we truly did laugh hard in that bathroom. tummy ache laugh. and technically nothing was even funny. that's what this life does. makes you laugh when nothing is funny. we wanted a picture. but we didn't have 5 dollars. much walking. much laughing. and then we crammed all three of us into that tiny photo booth and got those ugly sinful pictures. i think maybe it was worth it. el rancho for supper. the pull of retro magnetics. did that make sense. sitting there across from the two best humans ever. the creative Mexican 1950s style hovering heavily on every detail. white walls and the wooden ceiling. colorful touches of paint dropped onto random pieces of furniture. i love. i love. i feel myself in that building. i feel myself with cho and des. actually i always feel myself. but that was right into the center of me i think maybe. the road. slippery mud grabbing at our ugly ford. such aesthetic pictures this is painting. it was tho. the new mexico land boldly dancing before us. bullet shells scattered by our feet as we carefully step our Birkenstocks through the red mud. the view. never ending. i won't talk about it. because you all know the words that are on my tongue. Walmart filled with people. Navajos with their colorful leggings and big hoodies. skeleton masks and the smell of alcohol. hollow eyes. no feeling. but we smile at them. we take as long as possible. third streets normally feels long. today the houses sped past. a blur of history as each last second was swallowed by the dirty city lights. a group hug. kisses blown across a space. a vacancy. i love you girls. so. much. idk what else has happened.
it feels like its been fairly uneventful.
just the same routine over and over.
im in the kitchen next week which feels crazy.
cant believe how fast this is going,
being pulled away from me faster then i can run
i have exactly 59 days left until i fly in YYC.
cant wait.
and yet i know ill look back as we drive away.. down the long third street.
i know ill look back, and my tears will come so hard.
im scared of that day. so excited and yet scared. home will be different.
and i will be lonely without this chaos.
my bedroom will be quiet
there will be no loud laughs when im trying to sleep
no radio pager to call me out of bed cause they need help
it will feel odd. the end.
alb day is on march 31. my last alb day and that means im old girl. pray it goes well.
i miss being able to wear pretty clothes and knowing their not gunna wreck. i smell roast beef.
happy sunday.
happy almost easter. i hope you guys love how random my writing is.
de nada.
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