xo.

& just like that.

it's over.

the branches break the sky,

& tangled webs of brush & cacti

pull at my tired sandals.

the tears rush down my cheeks.

& the tiny baby in my arms looks up at me. confused.

an angry dust funnel of sentiment & excitement.

may 18. evening sometime.

I get to see my mom & my dad.

i honestly don't know what to say.

because the feeling is too large for words.

maybe my body will physically rip in two as I follow my boots to the station.

maybe the tiny babies will feel my vacancy & their little arms will reach for me.

maybe all these brown children down that dark hallway are wondering why I can go home to my mom & not them.

tonight was my last farewell evening.

we sang. or more correctly speaking,

they sang.

I stood there with my hot tea in one hand.

pretending to sing.

the tears stopped my voice.

then we play volleyball.

& eat carmalitas because they wondered what I liked best.

I said carmalitas.

we sit on the floor.

I look at my friends.

& I have a longing to stay.

they get to.

for a while at least.

maybe i'm jealous of them.

maybe thier jealous of me.

brianna. thankyou.

betsy. thankyou.

tori. thankyou.

stacky. thankyou.

shayleeeeee. thankyou.

kenz. thankyou.

hiedi. thankyou.

jaci. thankyou.

ki. thankyou.

emily jane. thankyou.

tina diane. thankyou.

briskis. thankyou.

brecks. thankyou.

amy renee you weirdo. thankyou.

hannah. thankyou.

jo. thankyou.

amy joy. thankyou.

paige marianne. thankyou.

wendy. thankyou.

& my best window rockers.

des. cho. sam. kristen. brenna.

all these precious kids.

I guess you kiddos get all the credit.

cheers to you my honeys.

& papa chris & mama drea.

little boy anders.

papa delton & mama val.

current moment.

3:50 am.

last shift at gallup.

was feeding one baby.

other baby started crying.

other baby is sleeping.

puts first baby on floor to feed next baby.

& so on.

tomorrow I will sleep until 12:20.

& then des will come

& we will go get covid tests in albuquerque.

pray they come back negative.

ok. soon I get to see my mountains.

xo, ginger.